Here's a safety tip from the American Eye Association: Never jab a knitting needle directly into your eye and repeatedly thrust it in and out. You could be inviting vision problems. I fyou should suffer an eye injury, rinse the eye immediately with a caustic solution of Clorox and ammonia, and rub the surface of the eye vigorously for about ten minutes with #3 sandpaper. The American Eye Association reminds you: Don't fuck with your eyes. They're the key to vision.
This is actually from Carlin on Campus HBO special.
HAVE A NICE DAY
Not me. I'm not nice, I'm not fine, I'm not great. People ask me how I am, I don't give them any superlatives; nothing to gossip about. I tell them I'm "fairly decent." Or "relatively okay." I might say, "I'm moderately neato." And if I'm in a particularly jaunty mood, I'll tell them, "I'm not unwell, thank you."
That one always pisses them off. Because they have to figure it out for themselves.
It Takes Two to Tango. Sounds good, but simple reasoning will reveal that actually it takes only one to tango. It takes two to tango together, maybe, but one person is certainly capaable of tangoing on his own. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that it took twenty-six to tango.
Have a nice day, indeed! Maybe I don't feel like having a nice day. Maybe - just maybe - I've had twenty-seven nice days in a row, and i'm ready for a crappy day. You never hear that, do you? ...A crappy day; that would be easy. No trouble at all. No planning involved. Just get out of bed and start moving around.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
That's the trouble with "Have a nice day." It puts all the pressure on you. Now you have to oug and somehow arrange to have a positive experience.
I don't have nice days anumore. I don'g bother with that. I'm beyond the n ice day; I feel I've outgrown the whole idea. Besides, I've already had my share of nice days. Why should I be hogging them all? Let someone else have a few.
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR. Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping lately? Only a naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that
Sometimes you can get a dog that looks exactly like the one you had before. It's true. Ifyou shop around a little, you can find you a dog identical to your former dog. You just bring the dead one into the pet shop, throw him up on the counter and say, "Gimme another one of these." And, by God, they'll give you a carbon copy of your ex-goddamn dog. And that's real handy, cause then you don't have to around your house changin' all the pictures.
OK wish they could do that...but Rocky & Tiny are one of a Kinds! :( But they are my babies.
Everything comes in threes. Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong oo. It just took them longer to recognize a pattern.
(I am guilty of this...just yesterday my mother informed me that two of my grandmother's friends had passed away this week...I said well it comes in threes so wait and see who the third one will be)