chrystie69: (George)
I'm sixty, and I don't need child-resistant caps on my medicine bottles.  They say, "Well, someone with children might come andvisit you."  Fuck 'em!  They're on their own.  Let 'em take their chances.  Anyone who visits me is accepting a certain level of risk in the first place. 
chrystie69: (George)
EYE SAFETY TIP

Here's a safety tip from the American Eye Association: Never jab a knitting needle directly into your eye and repeatedly thrust it in and out. You could be inviting vision problems. I fyou should suffer an eye injury, rinse the eye immediately with a caustic solution of Clorox and ammonia, and rub the surface of the eye vigorously for about ten minutes with #3 sandpaper. The American Eye Association reminds you: Don't fuck with your eyes. They're the key to vision.

This is actually from Carlin on Campus HBO special.
chrystie69: (George)
It's way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world. And it makes for wonderful theater
chrystie69: (George)
I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn kids, "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There's no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality, and integrity.'"
chrystie69: (George)
LIFE IS SHORT. Sorry. Life is not short, it's just that since everything else lasts so long - mountains, rivers, stars, planets - life seems short. Actually life lasts just the right amount of time. Until you die, Death, on the other hand is short.
chrystie69: (George)
There was no Big Bang.  There was just a Big Hand Job. 
chrystie69: (George)
I like the fact that rap musicians are murdering each other.  I don't have a problem with rap music, i t's just tha ti  like the idea of celebrities killing each other.  Wouldn't it be great if Dan Rather snuck up on Tom Brokaw during the news and stabbed him in the head?  Or imagine Julie Andrews putting rat poison in Liza Minnelli's triple vodka when she gets up fto take a shit at Sardi's.  Here's a great one:  Richard Simmons and Louie Anderson grab Rosie O'Donnel and choke her to death.  It's just fun to think about, isn't it?

 
chrystie69: (George)
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?  some people dream of things that never were and aks, Why not?  Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

(I think I fall in the last batch...unfortunately :(  ) 
chrystie69: (George)

HAVE A NICE DAY

Not me.  I'm not nice, I'm not fine, I'm not great.  People ask me how I am, I don't give them any superlatives; nothing to gossip about.  I tell them I'm "fairly decent." Or "relatively okay."  I might say, "I'm moderately neato." And if I'm in a particularly jaunty mood, I'll tell them, "I'm not unwell, thank you."

That one always pisses them off.  Because they have to figure it out for themselves.

chrystie69: (George)
POPULAR BELIEFS

It Takes Two to Tango.  Sounds good, but simple reasoning will reveal that actually it takes only one to tango.  It takes two to tango together, maybe, but one person is certainly capaable of tangoing on his own.  By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that it took twenty-six to tango.
chrystie69: (George)
HAVE A NICE DAY

Have a nice day, indeed! Maybe I don't feel like having a nice day.  Maybe - just maybe - I've had twenty-seven nice days in a row, and i'm ready for a crappy day.  You never hear that, do you? ...A crappy day; that would be easy.  No trouble at all.  No planning involved.  Just get out of bed and start moving around.
chrystie69: (George)
POPULAR BELIEFS YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. That depends on how intimately you know the other person. Maybe you can't have it bothw ays at once, but if you've got a little time, you can probably havei t six or seven ways.
chrystie69: (George)
This is a 2 quotes on the same theme.

HAVE A NICE DAY!

That's the trouble with "Have a nice day."  It puts all the pressure on you.  Now you have to oug and somehow arrange to have a positive experience.

I don't have nice days anumore.  I don'g bother with that.  I'm beyond the n ice day; I feel I've outgrown the whole idea.  Besides, I've already had my share of nice days.  Why should I be hogging them all?  Let someone else have a few.
chrystie69: (George)
POPULAR BELIEFS

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.  Not true.  Today is another day.  We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be.  It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure.  If it happens, I'll be the first to say so.  But, you know what?  By that time, it'll be today again.
chrystie69: (George)
History is not happenstance:  it is conspiratorial.  Carefully planned and executed by people in power.
chrystie69: (George)

POPULAR BELIEFS

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR. Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping lately? Only a naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you.  And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that

chrystie69: (George)

DOG MOMENTS

Sometimes you can get a dog that looks exactly like the  one you had before.  It's true.  Ifyou shop around a little, you can find you a dog identical to your former dog.  You just bring the dead one into the pet shop, throw him up on the counter and say, "Gimme another one of these." And, by God, they'll give you a carbon copy of your ex-goddamn dog.  And that's real handy, cause then you don't have to around your house changin' all the pictures.

OK wish they could do that...but Rocky & Tiny are one of a Kinds!  :(  But they are my babies.

chrystie69: (George)
POPULAR BELIEFS

You learn something new every day. Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it. Columbus is a good example of this.
chrystie69: (George)
POPULAR BELIEFS

Everything comes in threes.  Not true.  In reality, everything comes in ones.  Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes.  By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes.  They were wrong oo.  It just took them longer to recognize a pattern.

(I am guilty of this...just yesterday my mother informed me that two of my grandmother's friends had passed away this week...I said well it comes in threes so wait and see who the third one will be) 
chrystie69: (George)
Do you ever get the strange feeling of vuja de?  Not deja vu; vuja de. It's the distinct sense that, somehow, something that just happend has never happend before.  Nothing seems familiar.  And then suddenly the feeling is gone.  Vuja de.
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